Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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