Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
