hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize