you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
