Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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