I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
