Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
