His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
