I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i came on her dog
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
