You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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