have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
