I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
