so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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