i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
