So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Randomize
