I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
