living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
