So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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