is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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