She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
