True but thats because hes a fetus.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
