Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
