maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
