It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
