you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
