I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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