Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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