imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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