More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
