who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
