I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Did I show you my penis last night?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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