I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
