OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
