The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
