I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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