I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
