she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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