Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
be right there i have to get my cape
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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