Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
