Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
