Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
