I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
