I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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