her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
