thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
