he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I won't apologize to a one balled man
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
