If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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