I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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