oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
