the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
