What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
