Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Who wears a wallet chain?!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
