girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
