My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
