pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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