So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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