recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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