"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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