a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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