when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
