WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
