Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
