No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
