bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
