I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
