Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
