Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
