At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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