He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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