Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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