I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
