so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
