I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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