you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize