you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Sorry about my life...
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