Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
